project, me: day2

February 4, 2009

I took advantage of the amazing springlike weather to take a nice, long walk today. I let rudy off the leash and she ran and ran and ran, through the scrubby brush, around the prairie dog holes, and into the ponds and streams with their edges still laced with ice. she didn’t seem to mind the cold water; I think it just gave her an excuse to run faster. there was almost no wind, which is amazing for this time of year, and the sun was shining. my heart aches with the yearning for spring and summer, and the pangs only grow more intense when I remember that it is just barely February and the coldest, snowiest months of the Colorado winter are yet to come. I did breathe deeply when I remembered how I used to take this same walk when my baby was just a newborn, and I would cry and pray the entire time, just hoping to find the strength to get through one more day, or sometimes just one more hour. it filled my heart with such relief and such a profound calmness to realize how far I have traveled in my journey as a mother. part of my commitment to daily exercise is for my physical health, but more than anything I need it for my mental health. today was amazingly restorative in that sense, and it gives me hope that I can endure the next few bitter months and make it to April.