becoming resolute

December 31, 2008

i’m not really one to make new year’s resolutions.   i understand the notion of fresh starts and turning over new leaves and promises schmomises, but i know myself better than to expect january 1st to be a magical turning point of commitment.  i’ve been trying to make positive changes in my life for the past decade and none of them has ever stuck for longer than a few weeks at a time.  i’m just not that, er, resolute.

but, i’ve come up with a few things that i am going to take a stab at.  let’s not call them resolutions; i need a little wiggle-room to forgive myself when i don’t follow through.  let’s call them new year’s generalizations..things i’d like to improve and focus on in the new year. 

1) be better at meal planning and actually preparing and eating the groceries i buy.  try to waste less, eat out less.

2) be more consistent with exercise.  not for weight loss (i am honestly at a point in my life where i don’t need to lose weight, or perhaps i am just at a point where i don’t feel a need to focus on my weight.  i am quite satisfied and comfortable with my body lately, and that’s a good place to be) but just for overall health and well-being.  i don’t need to run 10 miles everyday,  i just need to be consistent.  even if it’s just taking a walk around the block or dancing like a fool in the living room…i just need to move my body everyday.  no more “feast or famine” approach to exercise. 

3) drink more water

4) be better at money management, tracking finances, budgeting, smarter savings.  this has never been my strong suit, but i’m trying.  

5) eat more vegetables

 

that’s it.  i think it’s a pretty reasonable and doable list.  how about you….any generalizations, or resolutions, that you’d like to make?

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i'm back

December 31, 2008

after a month of coughing, aching, nose-blowing, and general oh-my-god-i’m-dying-pass-the-nyquil histrionics i am finally feeling back to normal.  i’d like to believe that the particular strain of cold that i had was especially virulent and toxic, so as to justify my bellyaching and exculpate my questionable immune system, but maybe it was just a plain ol’ cold and i’m a big snot-intolerant ninny.  just smile and nod when i whine about spending the entire month of december under a pestilent cloud of death.  

christmas came and went.  our planned week-long trip to the mountains was shortened to a brief 36 hour visit due to the aforementioned pestilence.  let me explain our trip with a little arithmetic:

(toddler + sinus infection) x altitude = no sleep + screaming

no sleep + screaming = mommy drinking heavily on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  

(also, if math were that simple when i was in high school my mom wouldn’t have had to meet with my calculus teacher to discuss my test scores my senior year.  in my defense, i had already gotten accepted to college and knew i wouldn’t be a math or science major so differential equations were not high on my list of priorities.)

i’ve been terribly remiss about blog posting, and i’ve barely touched my camera all month so i have totally slacked off with my 365 project.  should i just pick up where i left off?  should i try to fill in the past few weeks of missing pictures with a sort of “best of” series of old photographs?  should i just give up all together?  oh, for shame!  i really shouldn’t waste my time stressing about this because it’s not like i have an audience of disheartened readers who have been waiting on tenterhooks for my daily updates, yet i still feel like a failure.  (psychoanalytic side note: is it any wonder why i’m so anxious….just look at the expectations i place on myself and the sense of disappointment i feel when i don’t follow through.  and this is just a silly blog assignment!  just imagine how much i beat myself up when i really mess up on something that matters, or in situations when i could even potentially mess up something that matters.  except calculus.  messing that up didn’t really bother me that much.  i should really lighten up and not be so hard on myself.  i’m sure this all comes back to my mother on some level.  or actually, on many levels.)

but anyhow, i’m back on track.  or, rather, i am trying to get back on track.  i can finally breathe without triggering an uncontrollable coughing fit, i’ve been dayquil-free for a few days now, i was able to get on the treadmill on sunday for the first time in almost a month, i did an hour of yoga today without feeling like my sinuses were about to explode during every downward dog.  i’m ready to tackle 2009 with a healthy body and a liberal dose of vitamin C.   happy new year!

i’m back

December 31, 2008

after a month of coughing, aching, nose-blowing, and general oh-my-god-i’m-dying-pass-the-nyquil histrionics i am finally feeling back to normal.  i’d like to believe that the particular strain of cold that i had was especially virulent and toxic, so as to justify my bellyaching and exculpate my questionable immune system, but maybe it was just a plain ol’ cold and i’m a big snot-intolerant ninny.  just smile and nod when i whine about spending the entire month of december under a pestilent cloud of death.  

christmas came and went.  our planned week-long trip to the mountains was shortened to a brief 36 hour visit due to the aforementioned pestilence.  let me explain our trip with a little arithmetic:

(toddler + sinus infection) x altitude = no sleep + screaming

no sleep + screaming = mommy drinking heavily on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  

(also, if math were that simple when i was in high school my mom wouldn’t have had to meet with my calculus teacher to discuss my test scores my senior year.  in my defense, i had already gotten accepted to college and knew i wouldn’t be a math or science major so differential equations were not high on my list of priorities.)

i’ve been terribly remiss about blog posting, and i’ve barely touched my camera all month so i have totally slacked off with my 365 project.  should i just pick up where i left off?  should i try to fill in the past few weeks of missing pictures with a sort of “best of” series of old photographs?  should i just give up all together?  oh, for shame!  i really shouldn’t waste my time stressing about this because it’s not like i have an audience of disheartened readers who have been waiting on tenterhooks for my daily updates, yet i still feel like a failure.  (psychoanalytic side note: is it any wonder why i’m so anxious….just look at the expectations i place on myself and the sense of disappointment i feel when i don’t follow through.  and this is just a silly blog assignment!  just imagine how much i beat myself up when i really mess up on something that matters, or in situations when i could even potentially mess up something that matters.  except calculus.  messing that up didn’t really bother me that much.  i should really lighten up and not be so hard on myself.  i’m sure this all comes back to my mother on some level.  or actually, on many levels.)

but anyhow, i’m back on track.  or, rather, i am trying to get back on track.  i can finally breathe without triggering an uncontrollable coughing fit, i’ve been dayquil-free for a few days now, i was able to get on the treadmill on sunday for the first time in almost a month, i did an hour of yoga today without feeling like my sinuses were about to explode during every downward dog.  i’m ready to tackle 2009 with a healthy body and a liberal dose of vitamin C.   happy new year!

where i've been

December 23, 2008

wiping snotty noses, mine and the baby’s

merry-making, cookie baking, wine-partaking

shopping

sleeping

sneezing

stuck in a fog, for going on three weeks

where i’ve been

December 23, 2008

wiping snotty noses, mine and the baby’s

merry-making, cookie baking, wine-partaking

shopping

sleeping

sneezing

stuck in a fog, for going on three weeks

again…sheesh

December 18, 2008

yes, i realize i am three days behind with my 365 pictures.  whoops.  i’ve been very, very busy doing a whole lot of nothing.

PART ONE:

i use to have a sign on the doorbell saying “ring this doorbell and i will feed you to my rabid dog” (not really, but it did say please do not ring doorbell, no soliciting). i took it off recently to replace it and just hadn’t gotten to it yet. some jackass rang the bell this afternoon…and not just once. DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DING. (that’s 4 rings in quick succession). and then he rang it again 4 more times before i even got downstairs to the door. HOLD YOUR FUCKING HORSES JACKASS. i thought it was maybe the UPS guy, but no. just some man asking insistently, “do you know anything about the honda next door? the motorcycle? they’re supposed to be selling it. do you know when they’ll be home?” uh, no. i barely know my neighbors’ names. i don’t know if they have a fucking honda motorcycle and i don’t fucking know if they are selling it. why the fuck would i know when they are going to be home? do i look like my neighbors’ fucking secretary? and why the fuck are you ringing MY doorbell to ask about my neighbors’ business anyway. now get off my fucking stoop before i slap you for ringing my fucking doorbell 8 times in 2 seconds….two precious seconds of my baby’s NAP TIME. jackass.

PART TWO:

great. now i’m thinking that he was some sort of criminal who was casing the joint with plans to break in and steal my christmas joy. i emailed isaac to tell him about the incident and he replied, “was he suspicious looking?” um, yeah. i think anyone and everyone who comes to my door is suspicious. i only opened the door a crack to shhhh him to get him to stop ringing the bell. i usually never answer the door when i’m home alone, but i had to do it to get him to stop ringing. now that i think about it, i’ve never seen a motorcycle in my neighbors’ garage. maybe it was a scam.

PART THREE:

i was feeling really unsettled about the guy ringing our doorbell insistently today, and then i saw on the news about a family in my town whose house was robbed (in broad daylight!) and all their christmas presents were stolen. so i called the police to give them a heads up about what happened. they officer agreed that it did sound really odd that someone would ring our bell and ask about our neighbors whereabouts, and he said that “they” ring or knock a bunch of times to try and get an answer, and if no one comes to the door “they force entry.” he asked if i got a license plate number (i didn’t), and he said that i should never open the door for anyone (duh! i feel stupid that i even opened the door but i had to get him to stop ringing) and that if anyone comes back i should call the police. isaac went to all our immediate neighbors on our little cul-de-sac and asked if anyone is selling a motorcycle. nope. so on one hand i am glad i answered the door to make my presence known and hopefully prevent anyone from breaking into my house, but on the other hand now i am freaked out that someone might try to rob my house. i need an attack dog (rudy doesn’t count) and an alarm system.

PART FOUR:

all the windows are now equipped with 2x4s in the tracks to prevent them from being opened from the outside. there is a chair propped up against our front door. the door to the garage is deadbolted. my husband has a golf club under the bed…just in case. oh, and i am paranoid.