1.  yesterday, i accidentally opened the car door at the exact moment my daughter charged toward my leg, resulting in a tremendous THWACK with enough force to knock her onto her cute little tushie.  she exploded into a heap of tears.  my heart shattered into a million pieces and i immediately set about flogging myself for my horrific inability to predict the uncontrollable nature of my toddler’s movement.  stupid mom.  

2.  to make matters worse, today  i clearly decided that one bruise wasn’t enough and she needed one on the other side of her forehead to complete the look.  i looked away for one nanosecond and she ran in front of a moving swing at the park.  i turned my head just in time to see another spectacular THWACK and another fall on her adorable tushie.  

3.  i bought her a pair of crocs

4.  shut up.  toddler sized crocs are adorable

5.  only she can’t run really well in them and anything faster than an exuberant trot is a disaster waiting to happen.  she tripped over her own toes and took a magnificent tumble while running in the family room today, narrowly missing a collision with the tv shelf.  i guess the boo-boo gods decided to spare us this time.  

6.  i took her into a wal-mart the other day – without hand sanitizer or a tetanus shot, mind you.  i was swerving the cart like a madwoman, trying to get through the store without contracting any sort of communicable illness.  add the swerving to the bottle of juice she drank in the car on the way there…not good, my friends.  she puked all over her shirt, on the seat of the shopping cart, and made a sizable puddle on the floor.  i just kept on walking.  i’m sure it’s not the first time the floor at wal-mart has been puked on, and i can’t blame the girl…wal-mart makes me want to vomit too.  

7.  while we’re on the topic of bodily functions, i had poop (not my own, thankyouverymuch) on my shirt today for a good five hours before i realized it was there.  i had been to the grocery store, target, the park, and starbucks with a nice smear on the front of my white tee.  i wonder how many people noticed it before i did.  

8.  i didn’t change my shirt immediately upon its discovery.  ‘eh,’ i thought, ‘i’ve been covered in worse.’  motherhood has definitely desensitized me to most of the ick factors in life.  

9.  my daughter woke up in tears at midnight a couple nights ago.  instead of rocking her to sleep quietly and putting her back in her crib, i brought her to bed with me.  “do you want to watch nemo?” i asked.  “meemo, yeah,” she replied.  so we watched a movie in the middle of the night when we really should have been sleeping.  it was awesome.