just like heaven

June 1, 2009

i left the kiddo with my parents and went for a tour of my old stomping grounds.  i walked around my college campus…ahh, sweet yet melancholic nostalgia.  i know i have mentioned it before, but it was the smell that really hit me the hardest;  damp earth, tangy eucalyptus, salty ocean air.  it’s no secret that scents from the past often unleash a flood of memories but i didn’t expect to be so overwhelmed by an olfactory overload from a past life this weekend.  i guess i’ve just never felt this homesick on my previous visits before.

after touring the campus (my, how it has grown!) i grabbed a cup of coffee and headed to the beach.  oh, sweet surrender.  my soul is at peace when i stare at the ocean.  if there is a heaven, i believe it would look something like this, only with sunnier skies and maybe a bottle (or many) of wine alongside my cup o’ joe.  

i drove through some of my old haunts with a running list of “i remember when” running through my head.  i remember when we had a party at that house, i remember drinking at that bar, i remember attempting to learn to surf at that spot, i remember that my friend lived on this street, i remember when we ate at that restaurant….and on and on and on.  i suppose that’s to be expected when you spend so many years creating memories in the same place.  

and then the mental gymnastics begin:  how much would we have to earn a year to afford a house here?  i wonder if there are jobs available?  what neighborhood would we live in?  just how small of a house could we cram ourselves into?  can i just put up a tent under a bridge and still have an ocean view?  really?  sold.  but then i remember that my life is somewhere else now, and that this is just a dream, and that a lot of the reasons i left in the first place are still here.  and that little lump of homesickness slides down and becomes just a little lump in the pit of my stomach.