are they still accepting applications for mother-of-the-year?

April 14, 2009

8:02 am: begrudgingly surrender to my child’s wails of “mama, mama, mama.”  sleepily stumble to her room to fetch her from her crib.

8:03 am: pause to set the safety gate at the top of the stairs.  pat myself on the back for my supreme parenting skills.  good job, mom. 

8:04 am: turn on finding nemo, hand baby a box of dry cereal that happened to be sitting next to the bed.  thanks to my  late-night munchies, i can feed my child breakfast without even having to open my eyes.  ignore her cries for juice and hand her my camelbak bottle full of water.  

8:04.o1 am: close eyes, plug ears, pull covers over my head.  let child fend off hungry, cereal-stealing, face-licking dog on her own. 

10:28 am: realize too late that the loud THUD i just heard was the sound of my child landing on the hardwood floor after falling off of the kitchen chair

12:43 pm:  my child and my pseudo-child are listening to “wild thing” by tone-loc.  “but that’s what happens when body start slappin’ from doin’ the wild thing,” is probably not toddler-appropriate.  pause momentarily to wonder how and why this song is on my ipod, lament the fact that this is probably far from the most shameful song on there.

3:10 pm: decide that my child has proven herself fully capable of climbing down the stairs on her own.  neglect to stand below her on her descent.  watch in helpless horror from the top of the stairs while my child tumbles ass-over-teakettle all the way down to the landing.   

6:30 pm: a tube of yogurt, a bite of string cheese, three plain noodles, a handful (handful? yep. eww) of ranch dressing, and some sprinkles for dinner?  sure.  why the hell not.  

7:10 pm: child climbs on top of a table at a restaurant.  throws salt and pepper shakers on the floor.  laughs hysterically.  stifle my own laughter so as to not encourage this sort of behavior.  

7:12 pm: get kicked out of a buffet (!) restaurant for my toddler’s horrendous behavior.  epic fail.  okay, we didn’t really get kicked out but we did make a hasty escape before the staff could ask us to leave. 

8:10 pm:  shower time.  baby steps on my broken toe and i utter a stream of colorful vocabulary.  shrug my shoulders in defeat when she mimics me.  consider her future career as a sailor or longshoreman.

8:19 pm: remember that my child can now reach into the bathroom drawer with ease.  it’s probably wise to remove sharp objects and prescription drugs.  whoopsies.

8:31 pm: bed time.  no really.  go to bed.  now.  

8:33 pm: mmmm…  who needs a glass.


6 Responses to “are they still accepting applications for mother-of-the-year?”

  1. ischwab Says:

    sounds like a good day to me 😉 My kid discovered the “fun” drawer today 🙂

  2. kathleen Says:

    pfft. mother of the century, probably.

  3. Angelika Says:

    Yup – that about sums it up.

  4. jkmastera Says:

    That day doesn’t get you a MOTY award? I’m fucked.

  5. kristen Says:

    Yep. My day was surprisingly similar, including the fall down the stairs. Oh and Milo ate Ramen for lunch. So we’re neck and neck.

  6. Kristina Says:

    right on, sister-mom! i have been there…today!

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