i could probably send a text message from my iphone while blindfolded, driving 75 miles per hour (just kidding…i don’t text and drive), while simultaneously searching googlemaps for directions and looking for a specific song on a specific playlist, but i can’t figure out how to work a damn electric toothbrush? thefuck? i got the oral-b triumph with SmartGuide because i needed a new gadget like i need another hole in my head, and also because my dentist guilted me into buying it. it’s supposed to be the most high-tech toothbrush on the planet and wirelessly monitors your brushing habits with a handy dandy LCD screen gizmo thingamajig (see, i am totally tech-savvy), but for some reason i can’t get the toothbrush to communicate with the guide. i even googled “oral-b triumph smartguide help what the fuck is wrong with my toothbrush and why did i waste money on this piece of crap” to see what i could find, and i got nothing. the LCD screen displays the time and shows a picture of the toothbrush, but it doesn’t do the 2-minute countdown like it’s supposed to or show me the little icon of a tooth being swept with a feather to indicate that i am brushing in sensitive mode as my dentist instructed me to do. i’ve tried unplugging and replugging, taking the batteries out and putting them back in (both of which are scientifically proven techniques for fixing modems, dvd players, toaster ovens, and PC load letter errors), switching brush heads, and cursing the good name of oral-b and its subsidiaries. so far nothing has worked. why is there no option-command-esc on my toothbrush?

365 project: day 93

January 29, 2009

the first installation of my so-called boring yet SPECTACULAR life…because i know you all care about what i eat for breakfast.  


whole wheat english muffin with natural peanut butter

a handful of raw almonds

fish oil




coffee with steamed skim milk and raw sugar

watered down applejuice….not a urine sample