your friend calls at the last minute and invites you to join her for a pedicure.  you’re still unshowered and stinky from running five hours earlier.  you pull your hair back in two pigtails and a headband, and throw a hat into your purse just in case.

you say a silent “amen, hallelujah” when you get the female nail technician, not the male.

you apologize to the lady doing your pedicure for the alarming (and prickly!  ouch!) amount of stubble on your legs.

the other nail salon employee asks you pointedly if “you want eyebrow wax?”

you search for 15 minutes for the iron and cannot remember for the life of you where you put it when you moved into this house….almost 2 years ago.  you justify your wardrobe by insisting that yoga pants and t-shirts were made to be wrinkled.

all this talk about the end of the “bush era” reminds you that you could really use a bikini wax.  but let’s be honest, you’ve never had a bikini wax in your life.

you are in desperate need of a haircut, but you think, “salon, schmalon.  i have scissors.”

a few weeks ago you bought a new tube of mascara (the cheapy three-dollar kind, but still) as a treat for yourself, and also because your old tube was probably growing more cultures than a bio lab petri dish (eww, germy), yet you have still not taken it out of the packaging

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November 22, 2008

what part of the brain goes kaput after having a kid?  i cannot remember shit these days, but i can totally remember that i forgot something.  i was ironing earlier (say wha?  ironing?  no, not actual clothes…fabric, for quilting, because i’m crafty like that) and i had all these great thoughts and creative blog posts half composed in my mind, and i didn’t write them down because i was ironing (duh) and now i cannot recall what the heck it was i was thinking about, but i remember that i was thinking something.  

it’s like this…

brain #1: blah-de-blah-doo-be-blah

brain #2:  ooh.  that’s good!  you should totally write about that!  

brain #1: you’re right!  i am so clever! 


two hours later.

brain #2: hey, other brain…what was that you were thinking about earlier?  remember?  you said something clever and i was all, “hey, you should totally write about that because you are witty and wordy and smart and stuff?” 

brain #1: huh?  oh yeah.  i remember having a thought, but i have no idea what the thought was.  hey, look!  shiny things and chocolate!  zzzzzttt.  


so what’s worse?  not remembering anything, remembering that i forgot everything, or talking to myself as if i have two distinct and disjointed thought centers in my head?

365 project: day 52

November 22, 2008

two years ago this week i got knocked up.  tomorrow, my little monkey will be 15 months old! i still look at her everyday and i am completely awestruck and amazed and utterly humbled by her existence.  two years ago, she didn’t even exist, well, not in this earthly realm, but maybe somewhere…karmically, or cosmically, or otherwise.  and then, suddenly! bam! cellular collision, bloating, nausea, expanding girth, 40 weeks and 4 days later, baby!  ohmygod! and now 15 months later she is a running, twirling, babbling, thinking, ten-toothed toddler of a person.  

she had her 15-month appointment with the pediatrician today.  she is in the 16th percentile for weight, and 96th percentile for height.  apparently, i birthed a string bean or a future WNBA player.  she howled when they administered her (FOUR!) vaccines, and i choked back a few tears seeing my little baby in pain.  

she had a touch of a fever tonight, a side-effect of the vaccines, and woke up crying at 11:30.  i went in and held her and rocked her and stroked her hair.  and i thought to myself, “there is nowhere else i’d rather be.”  she is perfect.  i am a lucky mama.