snapshots of my evening

October 24, 2008

my new shoes are pinching my feet, but i feel cute anyway.  i’m wearing mascara, i blow-dried my hair.

i make a little mental note of the fact that i am excited to go out.  five months ago, an invitation to girls’ night was enough to spur my anxiety into a roaring frenzy.  tonight, i am looking forward to the company of friends without the worry of my bedtime looming over me.  

at dinner, my tendency to “turn on” in front of a crowd kicks in and i subject my companions to a first-class exhibition of Blabbermouth Syndrome.  there’s a “new girl” sitting across from me.  she is lovely, but i fear that she left at the end of the evening thinking, “who is this loud girl and why does she talk so much?  her jokes were not funny.”  i’m sure she didn’t actually think any of those things, because she was just cute as a button and probably doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.  i just worry about dominating the conversation sometimes, which is funny because i am really a total introvert. (specifically i’m an ISTJ, if you’re curious and into that sort of thing).  i was told by a date once that i was “a terrible conversationalist.”  it stung, and i have borne the scar of that remark for years.  i place inordinate pressure upon myself to be a good conversationalist.  most of the time i feel like i still fail miserably.  i try to mask my poor conversation skills with sarcasm and funny stories.  i don’t know that my coping skills are all that effective.  i kissed that guy anyway, even after he made that comment.  i probably shouldn’t have.

pumpkin pie & gingerbread gelato after dinner.  the temperature has dropped to the high thirties and i’m glad i remembered to bring my jacket.  the wind is whipping our hair and we crowd closer together as we walk down the sidewalk, hurrying for the warmth of the bookstore.  

driving home, singing along with billy joel and “only the good die young”.  i really only know the chorus though, so i hum the rest and guess at some of the words.  i can turn the music up as loud as i want.  i’m alone in the car; no delicate toddler ears to protect.  i smile when billy sings that “sinners are much more fun”.  

the ramones sing “i wanna be sedated” and i am reminded of an old friend, dave, from high school.  he used to sing “i want a piece of david” every time this song came on the radio.  that was years and years ago, though that little memory is still stuck in my brain and i remember it whenever i hear this song.  dave was killed in afghanistan earlier this year.  i hadn’t seen or heard from him in over 12 years.  all the hometown papers printed tributes to him following his death.  it was the first personal connection i’d had to the wars.


2 Responses to “snapshots of my evening”

  1. Chrissy Says:

    Yay! I am glad you had a good time. Now, where is my picture of your cute outfit? 🙂

    P.S. I don’t think you are a terrible conversationalist or a blabbermouth!

  2. shannon Says:

    I am glad that you were there and I had a wonderful time seeing you and I am sure that everyone else felt the same!

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